Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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