no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
