I just pynch a tree in the face
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
