Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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