I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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