I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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