The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
