So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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