He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
