tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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