she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
