thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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