Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
