you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I accidentally burped into my bong.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
