Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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