Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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