my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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