I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
