Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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