I heard we made out
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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