have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
