Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I wish my penis had an off switch
Barsexuality is the new black.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
