apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
