also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
