One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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