hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
