she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize