dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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