She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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