So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
