I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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