She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
