I don't usually arrange sex via text message
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He? As in you personified your dick?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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