my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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