Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I can't turn off my feet"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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