Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
