I'm lost and stupid without you.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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