It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
