I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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