they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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