I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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