I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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