I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
