We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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