she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
