I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
