You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
