what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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