hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm sobbing to NWA
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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