I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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