beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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