It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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