i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
either way he was missing a nipple.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
