Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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