He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
