i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
