somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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