Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
