The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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