she was so not down for the gang bang
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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