Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
