New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
