god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
