im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
