I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
