That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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