Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
