how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
