ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
