I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
