Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
