We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
