you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
