Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
