...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
